Christmas Rum Cake

Before you start, sample the  rum  and  check  for  quality.
Good,  isn't it?  Now go ahead.  Select a large mixing bowl,
measuring cup, etc., and check that rum again  for  quality.
It must be just right.  Try it again.

With an electric beater, beat one  cup  butter  in  a  large
fluffy  bowl.   Add  one  teaspoon  sugar  and  beat  again.
Meanwhile, make certain that the rum is really of  the  best
quality.

Add two large eggs and two cups dried fruit and  beat  until
very high.  If fruit gets stuck in beater, pry it out with a
screwdriver.  Sample rum again, checking for consistency.

Next, sift in three cups baking powder, and add  a  pink  of
rum,  one seaspoon toda, and one cup pepper...or is it salt?
Anyway, don't fret; just test the rum again  for  thickness.
It must pour easily.  Better test the rum again.

Now sift in half a pint of lemon juice, fold in chopped but-
termilk,  and slowly add the strained nuts.  Shample the rum
again.

Now, one bablespoon srown tugar or whatever color  you  have
around.   Mix well.  (Beat the hell out of it!)  Grease oven
and turn cake pan to 350 (or  self  clean).   Now  pour  the
whole  mixture into the oven and oh where did I put the mop?
On second thought, and also the third and fourth, forget the
oven,  forget the mop, forget the cake.  Check the remainder
of the rum and go to bed.

Happy Holidays and Bon Appe......ZZZZZzzzzzzzz























                     December 18, 1991